sigh…

I just feel bad. No other way to put it. I’m the type that always bottles up everything inside and I guess tumblr is a minor way of releasing the stress. There are so many happenings in my life that I always try to ignore or deal with when it happens. Everyday I feel mourning for my dad’s side of the family. Ever since my parents got divorced, my dad’s side has been having a very rough time and the current economy is definitely not a positive to them.

My uncle has cancer. He attained it long time ago but it went away until now. Now, it is worse than ever and there is no question that he may die soon as he became bald and remains in bed all day. His son and daughter (my cousins)….I always feel bad for them as my little boy cousin, Andrew (age 7) and little girl cousin, Ashley (age 10) are so young and here they are not understanding the brutality of not growing up with a fatherly figure in the house. Their mom (my aunt) works heavy hours to fill in for her husband’s share and struggles with life everyday. I always try to spend as much as time as possible with the kids to help her out but with my school schedule and their school schedule, it is very hard to do so. I have yet to experience a death in my family and I pray to God that my uncle will not be the first.

My dad is in heavy financial trouble. This news I learned only recently from my other cousin, Tommy (age 28) to find out that my dad has been struggling for years. In fact, I am the few people in our family to know of this information (my mom, sister, stepdad, and some other relatives do not know of this). Apparently my dad filed taxes just like everyone else but I think he wrote a mistake on taxes and the IRS took all the money from his bank account. My dad did contact them and told them about the mistake but the IRS only gave back like 1/8 of the money. He is currently taking care of my grandpa and grandma and is slowly trying to work everyday to earn the money back. I met him recently and I have never seen him so stressed in my life. (At the time I did not know of his troubles). Like father, like son, he bottles up a lot of his worries and does not like telling people about it. I sometimes feel guilty, I know I shouldn’t but here I am living in Irvine with a great house, great luxuries, great life, while my dad is struggling to make a living. 

I know I rarely post stories like this and I really don’t care what anyone thinks so y’all can view it as however you want: attention whore, ranting, life sucks move on, blah blah blah blah blah. I post this because, honestly, I’m afraid. I really have no one to talk to about this except my cousin, Tommy. I had to let it out gradually and unfortunately, I only let out a fraction of it…